sUB 101
A straightforward guide for newcomers or those looking to improve on how to be the ultimate submissive & how to ensure the best experience.
A GUIDE TO BECOME THE ULTIMATE SUBMISSIVE - From a Dominants POV
Its only natural that as a submissive you want to please your Dominant. Having an experienced Dominant partner can really help improve a subs growth. Whether you're just getting started in kink or you're a seasoned vet there will always be room for improvement. I'm going to go over a few key topics regarding actions subs do that from my personal experience as a Dominant I find extra pleasing as well as actions I find displeasing. First off though I'd like to preface that no two Dominants are exactly the same. The topics I am about to discuss are my own personal opinions. This may not be relatable for all Dominants.
LESSON 1 : Initiative - Research - Approach
Take the initiative to learn about the Pro Dominant you wish to serve ahead of approaching. Learn what title they prefer to go by, how they prefer to be contacted & what style of domination they have. You can do this by scrolling through their social media posts, reading specifically about it on their website (like you are now) & purchasing/watching their content. If it says on their website "available from 5pm-10pm" & you contact them asking to meet at 2pm its going to leave a bad taste in their mouth that you didn't pay attention & that they have to now repeat themselves because of it. If a Dominant has specific instruction on how/when to contact or how to screen etc do EXACTLY as instructed no more or no less. Whatever you do, do not assume a title for your Dominant. Not all Dominants like to be called the same thing. For instance, I only go by Mistress & despise when subs call me Goddess or Princess. *Vomits*. It creates a good impression when it is clear to us that you have done your research prior & have approached us properly.
LESSON 2 : Be honest
Communication & consent are the foundation upon which a solid D/s relationship is built. If you don't have one or either of these then it is neither a safe or healthy way to practice BDSM. If you're interested in learning more about safety & RACK then check out my article "RITUAL" for more information. I cannot stress how important it is to be honest about your experience level with specific kinks & to be realistic when communicating interests you have not explored yet. A common mistake is the thinking that we are over here judging you . There is no judgment being placed on you. For safety reasons we need to have a clear & honest picture of what your experience is with each of the kinks you are interested in acting out. Saying that you are super experienced & asking for all this crazy masochistic stuff [& getting me super pumped to deliver] & then showing up only to cry like a little baby bitch with one slap is NOT the way. If you are new to something then you need to communicate that so we can evolve to a more intense version of that kink [if that's your goal] at a pace that works for you. Its best to go 0-100 instead of 100-0. It can be entirely frustrating as a Domme to curate a beautiful scene & set up the room only to have to take it all down & waste time re discussing realistic goals & having a honest conversation. That should be done from the start.
LESSON 3: Basic etiquette
You've booked a session so now what? Basic human decency/courtesy is what. - Arrive a few minutes ahead or on time. Don't be late. I promise you if you are I will make sure you are punished & will never want to be late again. Communicate if you will be late, if you have to cancel/reschedule or if you got cold feet. Don't just ghost your Dominant. - Be showered or shower upon arrival. - Don't overstay your welcome. Be considerate of the time & don't put your Dominant in an uncomfortable position to tell you to have to leave.
LESSON 5: Hygiene
Its as simple as it sounds. Arrive having already showered & make sure to do a good job at it. That's right, every nook & cranny. Although there won't be intercourse or oral, you are still likely (depending on the scene) to be stripped down or fondled at some point. Body odour, dirty hair, foul breath & other criminal offensives like such are unacceptable. Don't be suprised if you are asked to shower & be compliant if you are.
LESSON 6: Prep - Its not just for assholes
Prep is for your mind & body. MIND -It's important that before a scene you have mentally prepared yourself. If you are not in the right headspace do not force it. Communicate this to your Dominant. I'm certain they will be understanding & accommodating. Just don't use this as a regular excuse to bail last minute because no one likes a flake. BODY- If you know you are likely to be restricted in a position for a long time or meant to hold an intentionally uncomfortable position, then do your body the kind favour of some light yoga or stretches ahead of time. ASSHOLE- If you are looking to be pegged or the likes then listen up because this is not only important but this is also a requirement of mine. You MUST prep that ass. I don't care if you're new or seasoned. Here's is how to prep that ass properly: 1) Wash it. You'd be suprised how many do a shit job at this. [Pun intended] 2) More so if you're new, you want to massage the area a bit & see if you can comfortably get one finger in there [this is important because of the next steps. Its all relative, so bare with me]. Utilizing the warm water in the shower can be helpful to getting yourself relaxed &/or some lube. Do not force it. Take your time. 3) Enema bag or Douche. You can purchase these at most pharmacies. If its an enema you will need something to hand the bag onto since its self administered. Be sure that no matter which you decide to use that you follow the instructions on it or watch a YouTube tutorial before attempting. A clean water source should always be used because your colon will be absorbing the water. 4) Don't eat a large meal right before the session. Try as best as you can to be as "empty" as possible but also don't just not eat. Not eating anything all day can be dangerous & may result in low blood sugar, fainting etc & we don't want that. 5) Toys & plugs can be helpful in relaxing you ahead of a session. Be sure to start small. Make sure if you are using plugs that they are not too small or too big but fitted properly. Its also important they have a flared base for safety purposes.
LESSON 4: STFU
As previously mentioned, communication of kinks, limitations etc previously negotiated ahead of the scene & having a safe word set in place is important but during the scene itself SHUT THE FUCK UP. If you want to moan, groan, whimper, beg etc then that's perfectly fine otherwise speak when spoken to. Do not be a submissive who acts like a bottom & consistently talks or tries to dictate the session. I do not like bottoms. If you're unsure of the difference between a submissive & a bottom then check out my other article "POWER" that discusses this in detail. Trust your Dominant that you are in good hands & that they know what's best for you. Personally speaking it ruins my Dom space when a sub can't shut the fuck up. Not to mention as a sub you are taking away from your own ability to enjoy your own subspace. You will get SO MUCH MORE out of a session when you talk less. This is because your brain is able to process more in an an observant state & when you're talking you are not paying attention. A metaphor I could use to best describe this is you know when you see a crowd of people with their phones out filming a moment then going into their phone & posting about it & they are not truly IN the moment. Its a shame. To quote the great Slim Shady " You better lose yourself in the moment!" .... okay I'm done. You get it. STFU & speak when spoken to bitches.
LESSON 7: Attentive aftercare
For those who don't know, aftercare is the time after the scene where you make sure both parties are okay & make a smooth transition back to reality. Aftercare is not just for the sub but also for the Dominant. They may feel exhausted or sore after a scene. Be present with them & give straightforward feedback about what you did or didn't enjoy during the session. If they have the right information then they can adapt their approach in the future & your next scenes will only get better. If there is a particular form of aftercare that you really enjoy, tell your Dominant this.
LESSON 8: SIMP
"Simping" is when a sub goes out of his way to do something for his Dominant. Usually simping refers more toward financially supporting or gifting. However, you don't have to be ultra rich to simp. It is possible to have different levels of income & financial stability when simping. If you don't have the funds (*cough* broke ass bitch) then you can always support your Dominant in other ways like engaging in their posts, retweeting, sharing, liking etc. or small kind gestures like offering to pay for their coffee once or twice a week. Small kind gestures are always appreciated. If you are financially able to simp, then you may have more leg room to support your Dominant in a meaningful way that is sure to make them smile. Tribute via cash meets, foot a dinner bill, donate funds toward their livelihood (eg sub funded toys, fetish wear, photoshoots etc) to name a few. Anything to make their life easier or sweeter. Tipping & gifting is not a requirement but it leaves a good impression & is always appreciated.